The Secret About Negativity

You've probably noticed it. It isn't exactly subtle. Whether you it hits you from the news, from social media or interactions with people you thought were friends, we seem to be almost drowning in negativity.

It isn't that people hold different opinions about what is best for their country and their lives, it is the venom with which those opinions are expressed that are concerning. People always vigorously defend their beliefs. We all do it with all beliefs. Once we decide to believe something, we work to prove ourselves "right." We ignore evidence to the contrary. We distort evidence to prove our beliefs right. And we generalize from one event so that it applies to all.

Again, we ALL do it with ALL our beliefs. What I find disturbing is the negativity which surrounds us on all sides. Whether the negativity is expressed through a focus on problems and what isn't going well, or whether it descends into name-calling, threats and violence, all the negativity has an impact. A harmful impact.

We are affected, not only by words, but by the emotions behind them. How do we know? There have been studies demonstrating it.

Studies by Dr. Masaru Emoto demonstrated that water molecules respond to the words that are used about them, changing their structure to respond to the message.  If the message is positive and loving, the water molecule changes into beautiful crystalline patterns; if the message is negative, the water molecule becomes deformed and ugly. 

Quantum Physics has shown us that we create our own possibilities in the universe, and that matter responds to us and changes in response to what we envision.

This is powerful.  Since we are mostly water, think about the serious implications of being around negative people who use words to put you down or surround you with that negativity. 

Mental health professionals know that people who are exposed to continual verbal abuse begin to believe what they are told, believing that they aren't worthy of being treated well, believing that they deserve to be belittled. In fact, if the cells of your body are listening in and react to what they are being told, it follows that they may create disease or at least decrease their ability to fight it off.

I am hardly a Pollyanna. I know there is ugliness in the world. I work with people every day who struggle to overcome the ugliness they've experienced so that they can move on. So that they can create a life of happiness and success.

How do you do that? It is vitally important to surround yourself with people who support you and encourage you to be your best. Quite literally, it can be a matter of life or death. While this may sound like an exaggeration, think for a moment about people you have known who have been in hostile, emotionally abusive relationships and the toll it has taken on their health.

If you have been surrounding yourself with people who belittle you and use words to attack you, consider how toxic this is for your health.  Just as you wouldn't stay in an environment where you were breathing toxic chemicals--things that could make you sick or kill you--you shouldn't stay around people who use words or their opinions in toxic ways.  

As much as possible, avoid being around people who are negative.  No matter what their excuse is for it, it isn't good for you. If you can't avoid them completely, limit your time around them, and take steps to counteract the messages they send you by focusing on positives, beauty, humor, love. Think positive thoughts. Say affirmations. Pray. Be grateful. Choose to spend time and be in situations and relationships with people who express positivity and inspiration. Find people to support you and help you realize your potential.

You may not be able to get rid of the negativity currently pervasive in the media and in election campaigns, but you CAN keep it out of your life. Turn off the television. Focus on your own life and how to make it the way you want.

As the Chinese proverb says: "You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair."

The secret about negativity is not to let it build a nest in your hair. 

 Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a personal and business coach and trainer. She helps people overcome the obstacles to their success and happiness--including negativity. She has spent the past 38 years helping her clients create the life of their dreams and is grateful for the opportunity. She believes that everyone can solve their life's challenges if they can only access their resources. The Inner Resource Center, LLC helps connect people to their resources again so that they can move forward to a life they love. For more information, contact her at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com ,

Top 5 Reasons to Get Rid of Your Mindset Limitations

"I don't know what that problem is," she told me. "I've been working really hard, but I can't ever seem to reach the success I've been chasing. There must be something wrong with me."

It's a common complaint I hear in many different forms:

• "I'm stuck."
• "No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to work."
• "Maybe I'm not cut out for this."
•  "I'm working as hard as I can, but I can't seem to get there."

All of these complaints have mindset at their core.  It isn't that you aren't working hard enough. Success doesn't have to be so elusive. At the core of all these problems is the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes and values that underlie everything you do.  Mindset is the voice in your head that tells you "I can't..."  It's the part that tells you "I don't deserve..."  It is at the core of your self-doubt and lack of confidence.

Usually these thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes and values have their foundations in events from your past. They are the reactions to events in your life that didn't turn out the way you wanted them to.  As a result you jumped to conclusions about what the problem was.  You formed beliefs that began to limit you, and you found "proof" that you were right in your conclusions by doing what we all do when we form a belief. We ignore evidence to the contrary. We distort the evidence to "prove" we were right all along.  And we generalize from situations where the belief may be true to all situations or every single time.

Then to make it even more complicated, the beliefs, thoughts, feelings, attitudes and values fall out of our awareness and become unconscious.  We don't even realize these mindset saboteurs are chugging away under the surface messing everything up. 

As amazing as it may seem, 90% of your success or failure are the result of mindset issues.  Specifically, it's those mindset limitations you've unconsciously set into motion.  It is vitally  important to address your mindset issues. If you don't you'll continue to struggle.

The top 5 reasons to address your mindset limitations are

1.       To get rid of obstacles that block your goals--especially obstacles that are self-imposed.   

Your mindset limitations stop you just as completely as if you were running head-first into a           brick wall.

2.       To get off the roller-coaster and create CONSISTENT results.

Maybe you've had some success, but you can't seem to duplicate it and your ups and downs are affecting your confidence.

3.         To conquer your fears.

No matter if your fears are of a fear of failure, a fear of success, a fear of being noticed, a fear of rejection, fear plays a huge role in taking the steps you need to in order to be successful. If you are fearful, you'll avoid doing the things you need to do to succeed.

4.         To get rid of self-doubt.

Self doubt often keeps you stuck. You lack the confidence to get out there and do what you need to in order to achieve your goals. Self-doubt is composed of "what if's" and most of them are catastrophic. If you can get out of your own way, you are likely to discover that you are more capable then you thought.  You really CAN do those things you didn't think you could.

5.         To get rid of limiting beliefs that hurt your confidence and self-esteem.

Those may be beliefs like "I'm not worthy," or "I have to be perfect," or "I'm not good enough." If you've been thinking there's something wrong with you, there is likely a limiting belief that is feeding it.

The good news is that mindset limitations can be resolved. The bad news is that you can't just decide to believe or think something more helpful. Because mindset issues tend to lurk in the unconscious, you can't consciously change them--you have to change them with unconscious methods.  Think about it--if you chant "There are no weeds in my garden; there are no weeds in my garden; there are no weeds in my garden," a hundred times, what happens?  The weeds still take over your garden. You have to DO something, and it has to address the weed's roots.

Want to know more? Contact me, Linda Pucci at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com to schedule time to talk over the phone about your mindset limitations and what you can do about it.  There are lots of techniques and methods that work. When you are ready to address your mindset, email me and we'll talk about what will work best for you.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a personal and business coach and an expert in helping clients resolve mindset issues that interfere with their success and happiness.  For more information go to http://www.InnerResourceCenter.com to learn about her services. 

Find Beliefs That Empower You

"Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy."

~Tony Robbins

Our beliefs are very powerful.  Once you form a belief--any belief--you will do almost anything to prove it right.  You will ignore evidence to the contrary, distort perceptions to make it true, or generalize from one situation to another.  It is important to recognize which beliefs empower you and which limit you.  You create your own outcome by the things you believe.  Wouldn't it be better to believe things that empower you?

This week:   Spend some time looking at your beliefs.  What do you believe about your life that empowers you?  What beliefs limit you or keep you stuck?  Write them down in two columns.  Just sit with the question: What do I believe about myself?  When you uncover beliefs that limit you, ask yourself  "What would I need to believe in order to succeed?  What would I need to believe in order to create a more satisfying life?"  Imagine for this week that you DO believe that empowering belief.  Notice what that feels like.  Is there a difference? 

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people overcome "emotional clutter" in their lives--those negative emotions and limiting beliefs we form from past negative experiences.  Find out more at http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ or http://www.emotionalclutter.com/.

Want Success? Model Someone Who Has Achieved It

“That some achieve great success, is proof to all that others can achieve it as well.”

~Abraham Lincoln

Being successful isn't magic.  It doesn't require special talents, gifts or capabilities, although they can certainly be helpful resources.  If you want to be successful, model a successful person.  Study how they approach life.  What do they think?  How do they approach problems and challenges?   How do they hold themselves physically?  What beliefs do they have?  What emotions do they express?  How do they show their confidence.  Model that.  When you behave as successful people do, you begin to adopt valuable attitudes and approaches that will serve you well as you move toward your own success.

This week:  Identify someone you know or know of who you deem as successful.  Now, think about how they demonstrate their success.  How do they behave?  What sorts of things do they believe about themselves and about the world?  Find out as much as you can about how they do what they do.  Write it down.  If you can, ask them questions about it.  If you don't know them personally, read interviews they have done, or study their life story.  What is it that has put them on this path to success?  What things do THEY do that you could adopt?  Experiment with modelling some of their behavior, beliefs or attitudes and notice what that is like.  Modelling others' success is an easy way to get yourself moving along that path to success as well.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer.  She specializes in helping people make rapid changes in their lives so that they can live happier and more successful lives.  Her business, Inner Resource Center, LLC helps connect people with the resources they need to transform their lives.  For more information about her and her programs, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .  

Strength and Confidence Come from Within

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time."

~Anna Freud

Many people think that strength and confidence comes from how others react to us and what they think of us. The truth is that strength and confidence comes from what we choose to believe about ourselves. We can choose to believe that we have the skills and abilities that make us strong and confident. Or we can choose to believe that only others possess these traits. What you choose to believe about yourself influences how you will live your life. Your beliefs can make you strong, and confident, and successful.

This week: When you find yourself in a challenging situation, experiment with the belief that you have all the skills you need to handle it. Play with the idea that you are strong and confident. Notice that when you begin to believe this might be true, you begin to feel stronger and more confident.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people change limiting beliefs and create greater happiness and success. She helps people identify and let go of their "emotional clutter"--those negative emotions and limiting beliefs that keep them stuck. For more information and to download free resources, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .

How to Find Happiness

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory."

~Albert Schweitzer

When you focus your attention and energy on memories of bad experiences or every ache and pain, you tend to live in the negative and it is hard to be happy. But when you focus on what is going well in your life, or what you have to be grateful for, you pave the way for happiness. We get what we focus on, so why not focus on every ounce of happiness you find in your life? That is the way to make it grow. Let go of those negative emotions and beliefs that limit you. You'll make room for the happiness you thought you were missing.

This week: Focus on what is going RIGHT in your life. Get out of memories of past negative experiences, and focus on a time when you felt empowered and happy. Notice what happens when you are focused in that direction.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people find happiness and joy by getting rid of "emotional clutter"--those negative emotions and limiting beliefs that we stockpile from past experiences. For more information about how she can help you move on, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/

You Hold the Key to Being Happy

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

~Abraham Lincoln

Too often we forget that we each hold the key to being happy. While events in our lives may impact us, we are the ones who decide how to respond to those events. We decide how to feel about it by what we choose to believe. Some people believe that the world has it out for them; others believe that challenges are opportunities to prove themselves; still others aren't really bothered by those same events--because they don't think anything about them. You can make up your mind to be happy in spite of what circumstances bring.

This week: When something happens you hadn't counted on, take the opportunity to either be happy about it, or to view it neutrally. Don't CHOOSE to be derailed by it. View it as a hiccup. View it as a speed bump. View it as a challenge. View it as an expression of the universe's sense of humor. Notice how choosing to perceive it differently changes it.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert at helping people overcome obstacles to their success and happiness with her solution focused approach. She has 30 years of experience helping people overcome the limiting beliefs that get in the way. For more information, go to her web site at http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/

When You Live Your Beliefs You Can Change the World

"Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around."

~Henry David Thoreau

As we start 2009, this quote captures my sentiments for the New Year. We all have the opportunity to turn the world around. In the U.S., we've seen what can happen when people are willing to get involved. My wish for 2009 is that all of us with begin to live what we believe, and in doing so, make our world a peaceful, healthy, prosperous place for all it's inhabitants.

This week: Spend some time at New Year's thinking about what just what you believe. How will you carry these beliefs into your daily life?

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer at Inner Resource Center, LLC in Maryville, Tennessee. She is passionate about helping people find their life's purpose in order to live their lives in meaningful ways. She is the creator and author of Discover Your Life's Purpose: 7 Steps to a Life of Meaning & Authenticity. For more information go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/

Your Beliefs Determine Who You Are

"Man is what he believes."

~Anton Chekhov

Our beliefs really DO determine who we are. What we believe about ourselves determines whether or not we try something, and it is likely to determine whether or not we fail or succeed. Our beliefs shape our view of the world. We operate on our beliefs as if they were true and defend those beliefs in spite of evidence to the contrary. When given a choice to believe in yourself or not, pick the belief that empowers you.

This week: Examine your beliefs about yourself. What beliefs do you hold that empower you? Which keep you stuck? Which limit your ability to succeed? If your beliefs are limiting you, ask yourself, "What would I need to believe in order to succeed?"

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer at Inner Resource Center, LLC in Maryville, TN. She specializes in helping people overcome the limiting beliefs that block their success. For more information, contact her at http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .

Your Mental Attitude is Key

"Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the person with the wrong mental attitude."

~Thomas Jefferson

Your mental attitude is really the key to success. When you have a positive mental attitude, believe in yourself and are determined to succeed, you can make it happen. When you believe "I can't..." or "I'm not good enough..." you will stop yourself in your tracks. Getting into a positive mental attitude and using that to your advantage isn't as difficult as you might think. The resources are out there to help you change your attitude--but you first have to be willing to look at what your attitudes are and whether they are working for you or not.

This week: Take an inventory of your attitudes. Write them down. Do they help you or hurt you? If you have mental attitudes that keep you from your goals, figure out what you would have to believe instead. The most important belief? Change is possible!

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer at Inner Resource Center, LLC. She has 30 years of experience helping people overcome the mental attitudes that block their success. She can be reached at beliefs@innerresourcecenter.com

Your Perceptions Are Determined by Who You Are

"We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are."
~Anais Nin


The way we perceive things is determined by who we are--our experiences, our beliefs, our attitudes, our emotional states, our personalities, and our world view. All those things color how we perceive the things around us. If you aren't happy with how the world is treating you, take a look at how you perceive the world and those around you.

This week: Ask yourself, "Do my attitudes reflect the kind of life I'd like to be living?" If not, ask yourself "What would I have to believe and how would I have to peceive things in order to live the kind of life I'd like to have?"