Do Your “What Ifs” Hurt or Help?

Harness Your Brain Power

Humans are fortunate to have the ability to consider consequences of their decisions and actions. The ability to figure out “what would happen if. .  .” may be uniquely human—a function of higher reasoning. Our ability to think logically and to anticipate what may happen can be enormously helpful.

That ability to think through consequences several steps ahead isn’t just a skill utilized in chess, although it certainly differentiates between good chess players and bad. The ability to think ahead to consider the consequences that might transpire in each of our decisions can actually save our lives. It is not only part of the strategy during war, it’s also extremely helpful in parenting, running a business, keeping a marriage intact, and keeping you financially solvent.

When you factor in experience and a clear understanding of the consequences for each action, you have a very powerful resource right there, between your ears (and for some of us, under your hair). The idea is that you can utilize this ability to determine the consequences of success or failure at each step, and take steps to modify your actions for a different and more positive outcome. Your ability to think about “what if” allows you to avoid pitfalls and seize opportunities by making course adjustments. Sometimes these are small adjustments. At other times they are huge: when you quit a job or leave a relationship, for example.

Unfortunately, that ability to think “what if” can completely sabotage you. If your “what ifs” focus on catastrophes, or fill you with worry and keep you from following your plans, then your “what if” thinking can sink you.

The key is to utilize your ability to think ahead to prevent you from making mistakes that will bring about catastrophic results. For example, your ability to plan and predict would (hopefully) keep you from investing all your money in ventures that are highly risky. You’d think, “I could lose everything I have,” and you have pretty good likelihood that you might be right. This is opposed to starting a business and investing in it strategically and cautiously. You might still think, “I could lose everything if this business isn’t a success,” but because you haven’t put all your eggs in that basket, you can think through what you’ll need to do to minimize that risk.

Imagining catastrophic outcomes often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety. Your “what if” thinking goes off in the worst possible direction, and doesn’t do a risk assessment to determine really how likely that outcome will be.

Certainly, unanticipated catastrophes can happen. But there is sometimes a warning and a way to prepare.  When the tornado is heading your way, take shelter, and plan ahead of time where that shelter will be. Even when there isn’t a good way to prepare, you can do what you can—practice safe driving habits, don’t drive in blizzards, ice storms, or when you’re advised to be off the roads.  Choose airlines with a good safety record. Hire people who are experienced and highly competent. Take good care of your body and your health. Choose your friends wisely. Don’t do things your better judgment tells you to avoid. (Seriously, don’t jump off that cliff just because your friends tell you to). Don’t willingly put yourself in danger. There’s almost always something you can do. Use your brain to figure it out, even if you haven’t anticipated it.

If your “what ifs” tend to derail you, you may want to get some help to turn around those negative emotions or limiting beliefs. Strategic planning isn’t just for Fortune 500 companies. Individuals can do strategic planning so that they are heading for the outcome they want to achieve. That might be financial; it might be emotional; or it might be relationship-oriented. Use your abilities to help you create a way to reach your dreams in the easiest way possible.

If you need help with this process and harnessing your brain-power, feel free to reach out. As a personal and business coach, I help teach people how to harness their abilities to overcome self-imposed limitations so that they can live happier, more successful lives without the struggle. Reach out by email: Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com or by phone: (865) 983-7544. We’ll talk about your situation and figure out what you need to make your “what ifs” work for you, rather than against you.

© 2017 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

How Can You Prepare for the Unknown?

Waiting and wondering seems to be the theme lately. Depending upon where you live, you wait and wonder about different challenges. In the northwest and far west, you wonder about wildfires. In Idaho and Mexico, you wonder about earthquakes. In the Houston area, you wonder about rebuilding and how you’ll recover from Hurricane Harvey. If you’re in the Caribbean or Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Alabama, you wonder what Hurricane Irma will bring to you and/or those you love in its path. There are other challenges globally that affect millions of people. Some of them are natural disasters. Some of them are terrorist plans, or saber-rattling from countries threatening war. Others are actually engaged in war, sometimes with their own citizens.

No matter what the threat, we’re called upon to somehow, be ready. That isn’t always so easy to figure out. Do you leave your home? If so, where do you go? Are you facing something that your government will help you navigate? Or is that part of the problem?

For me, Hurricane Irma has grabbed my focus as I think about how to keep family members safe in Florida, especially my 94-year-old mother who doesn’t intend to leave The Villages in central Florida. Luckily, my brother and his son have gone down so that she won’t be alone. They are as ready as they can be. My sister and her husband in Gainesville, and my niece and her family (and their restaurant) in Gainesville have had to get as ready as they can, not being sure what Irma will be like by the time she gets to them. 

My colleagues and I who have a conference planned in the Atlanta area next week have to wait and wonder whether we can proceed or not. Irma is predicted to head north through Georgia, but we don’t know whether that will mean flooding, power outages, and/or closed roads. Actually, there have been some predictions that Irma will head north to Tennessee and bring rain, wind, and tornadoes to our area, or if it will be further west. 

Not knowing is one of the hardest things about getting ready. If you have a pretty good idea about what is likely to happen, it is easier to prepare for it. When there are a lot of unknowns, and when the timing isn’t clear, it makes it tough to prepare. 

When you don’t have the answers, you can only guess, and do what you can. For humans, anxiety tends to accompany the unknown. We worry about what will happen to us. We worry about what will happen to our communities. We worry about what will happen to those we care about. 

I find that the best way to deal with that anxiety is to do what you can to prepare. Plan for contingencies as best you can. Use your “what if” problem-solving abilities to have multiple plans and resources. Reach out to others who may not be as good at planning as you are. Remind them of what sorts of things need to be done. Ask questions to make sure they are as ready as they can be. Offer your assistance or a place to go if you can. If you have the capability to help others, reach out. If you hear of resources that may be helpful, pass them along. 

The waiting and wondering is always the hardest, I think. I always feel better when I’m taking active steps to plan or handle a situation. The waiting and wondering tends to shatter my focus. It’s funny. When I’m in a situation when I’m waiting and wondering about something I’m facing, it’s hard to understand that others may be just going through their daily life as usual. They may not be aware that your community is flooded; that your community is on fire; that you’re unable to escape a dangerous situation.

I guess we all live in our own bubble, where the things we’re facing are #1 on our list. Others may have their own catastrophes or difficult situations to deal with. Those are things we may know nothing about. They may be trying to rebuild from the last catastrophe. They may be burying a loved one. They may be fighting a terrible disease. They may have just lost their job, or no longer have a place to live. Their only transportation may have broken down for good. 

Whatever challenges you face, please be aware that there are others that are facing something different. No one has the corner of the market on the biggest disaster. We each have our individual perceptions and perspectives of what we face and how ready we are to cope with whatever hits us.

There’s a lot of pain around us these days. Whether you’re actively experiencing it or not, please be aware that there are those who are stretched beyond their limit. Give them a hand when you can. Help them in the ways that they were there to help you and yours when you were faced with pain and challenges. 

We survive bad situations best when we help each other. If you are experiencing bad times, reach out for help. If things are okay for you, reach out your hand to help others. If you need somebody to talk to about your experience, I’m here to listen, and if possible, to help you connect with the resources you need. You can contact me through email at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com or call me at 865-983-7544. 

Good luck waiting and wondering!

P.S. This was written over the weekend, 

and today the remnants of Irma are supposed to begin to hit us with high tropical storm winds and heavy rain. The Great Smoky Mountains National Park has closed roads and campsites in preparation. And, in order to be timely, and make sure this gets sent, I’m sending it on Monday this week, instead of Tuesday. Be well, whatever you are dealing with.

Warmest wishes,

Linda

You Have to Take a Chance

Progress always involves risks. You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first.

~Frederick B. Wilcox

So many people are afraid to take chances.  They stay stuck in place, afraid to reach out and go after what they really want because they are afraid to move from the safety and security of their daily life.  Even if they aren't happy in their daily life, they are afraid to step forward.  The problem is that until you are ready to take a risk, you will stay on "first base"--stuck in place. 

This week:  Acknowledge to yourself what risk you need to take to move forward.  Identifying it and owning up to it brings it out into the light and allows you to begin to assess just how great the risk is.  Sometimes we make the risk so much worse in our imagination.  In the light of day, what are you really risking?  How probable is that risk?  Ask yourself:  What one small step can I take that will move me forward?  When you are focused on what step you need to take, you can shift your focus away from the fear.  Ask  yourself:  What am I risking by NOT taking that step?  Decide to do one small thing this week that will help you take that step.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert at helping people face the fears that block them and move beyond them.  Her Life Moments Makeover System allows people to let go of fear and anxiety quickly and easily.  For more information, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/

Whatever You Worry About Won't Last

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."

~E. Joseph Cossman

This is so true. We expend lots of energy worrying about things that never come true. Anxiety happens when you are focused on the outcome you DON'T want to see happen. When you are focused on those "what ifs" or "catastrophes in waiting," you don't allow yourself to enjoy the present moment. When you are focused on all those things you are worried about, you miss out on the opportunity to CREATE the outcome you would really like!

This week: Take one of the things you are worried about--a specific thing--and imagine that it has been resolved. Allow yourself to imagine yourself going out into the future 24 hours after the successful resolution of the thing you are worried about. Now notice what happens to the anxiety or worry. If you have followed the instructions for this, it should be gone.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people move beyond obstacles to their success and find the tools and resources needed to create a magnificent life. Want more information? Go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ and check out free resources you can use.

Let Go of Worries and Live Fully

"Live boldly. Take off those shackles and live life on your own terms."

~Varla Ventura

Have you ever noticed how much we keep ourselves prisoner to our worries and anxieties--all those "what ifs" that we conjure up? Have you noticed that when we focus on what "might" happen, we too seldom focus on the big success we might have? When you allow yourself to be imprisoned by your worries, you absolutely keep yourself from having success. You aren't living fully, and you aren't being yourself.

This week: Focus on what might happen if you took off the shackles of your anxiety, and began to live boldly. Imagine what could happen if you knew you could not fail. Embrace the possibility of living on your own terms. What would be different? Focus on the feeling you get when you are imagining that outcome. Breathe deeply several times. What would be the first thingyou would need to do to begin creating that outcome? Do it!

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach, certified trainer and expert in helping people overcome their limitations. She specializes in helping people let go of "emotional clutter"--those negative emotions and limiting beliefs from the past. For more information about her solution focused methods go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .