How Much Have You Changed?

Change Is Inevitable as We Grow

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of change in my life. Not necessarily change specifically in me, although I know that is lurking just around the corner. The changes seem to be all around me in people that I know or may work with as coaching clients.

I shouldn’t be surprised. In grad school, I minored in Developmental Psychology. That field encompasses much more than child development; its focus was on human development in the life span.

As some of you know, my mother is 94 and lives alone in The Villages of central Florida. I’ve known for some time that she was waning: losing stamina, having more difficulty with balance and walking speed. She still has a good mind, although now can’t remember as well, and occasionally gets confused. When she caught a cold just before Christmas, everything began to change in big ways. She’s now on oxygen, can’t (or shouldn’t) drive her car, and her life was become much more confined. She’s always been independent, and now must surrender a lot of that to depend on others.

I see the changes and know what they mean. My siblings and I are trying to come up with plans that she’ll accept, at the same time trying hard not to increase any stress associated with upcoming changes. Quite probably, there will be a move to Gainesville in the near future, so that she can be closer to family. But that means leaving the house she and my father built over 20 years ago, and leaving dear friends.

Watching her go through these changes has me thinking about all the different changes we go through in our lifespan.

As infants, we learn about the world around us. We learn to trust (or not). We gradually learn to speak and walk, and our experiences even at that young age helps shape who we will become in life.

We interact with the world and learn about self-control (that’s that potty-training stuff). Eventually we (hopefully) learn to express our needs without temper tantrums. We learn to interact with other children, maybe in our family, maybe in day care or nursery school.

Usually around the age of five or six, we start school. We learn about people who are different than we are, we learn to share. If we haven’t learned any yet, we begin to learn rules. As children we soak up knowledge, learning how to read, write, draw, and think. We begin to problem-solve in more sophisticated ways. We learn to differentiate emotions and their causes far beyond feeling “good” or “bad.” With luck, we learn to use our words. We develop friendships that may last our entire lives. We begin to suspect other families don’t do things the way ours does.

As we continue to grow and develop through adolescence, our bodies mature and we create or discover our identity. Friends become of overriding importance, and we learn how others may treat us. We begin to think about the future, even when it scares us. Gradually, we move towards greater independence. At some point, we’ll be ready to emancipate from our families and create a life of our own. Maybe this will be after high school; maybe it will be after college; maybe it will involve us getting married and starting families of our own.

As we develop, we move toward the work world, and finding ways to support ourselves. Currently, this stage poses difficulty for many young adults. They may exit college with massive debt and few prospects to work in the field they chose. Sometimes it’s necessary to move back in with their parents. Sometimes, to find a job, they have to move across country, away from their support systems.

Time marches on, and in the middle of life (whenever that is), you may develop a “mid-life crisis.” This is usually a dissatisfaction about how you are living. There may be a desire to change life circumstances—to leave a marriage, to move, to change jobs or even careers. This stage is about finding a way to live that will bring greater satisfaction. No matter what, this life stage usually requires change, whether big or small.

We continue to grow and develop throughout our whole lifespan, whether we’re aware of it or not. At some point, we reach the point where we’ve aged enough that we consider retirement or at least changing our work life in such a way that it is no longer central to our lives. When this is, and what form it takes often depends on a person’s financial situation. Have they saved enough to retire? Are they ready mentally, emotionally, and physically to change to a slower paced life. This can be an especially tough life stage, filled with changes in your daily life.

Grandparents may want to live closer and be involved in their children’s lives. Physical impairments may necessitate different living situations, such as living where there are minimal stairs. At this stage, there’s a lot of thought about what the future will bring. People facing the retirement stage will ultimately be making big changes, and may be anxious about the timing of their retirement decision as well as what their daily life will bring. They wonder: “What am I going to do with myself now?”

At some point, you’ll probably reach the stage that my mother faces. Feeling tired, worn out, or possibly sick. That’s when you may feel grateful for the good years, but ready to leave your fragile body as the quality of your life declines.

The timing of all the changes that occur in a lifespan isn’t always precise, and often happens when we aren’t ready for it. Illnesses can happen in midlife. Relationships can sour, changing your emotional well-being as well as your financial stability. Jobs may be lost as industries and businesses change to adapt to societal shifts.

Although there may be plenty of unpredictability, we always have the ability to change. It may take some time to accept the changes. It may take time to see how to create a different life that will be even more satisfying than the path you were on before.

Whatever life stage changes occur for you, you can make it. You may not be able to change your circumstances, but you definitely can change your reaction to those changes.

It’s definitely helpful to have support in the process. Whether you get this support from family or friends, or whether you seek out someone to help you find your new path, I think it’s important to get support.

I also think it’s vitally important to realize that we’re all in the same boat. Change happens to all of us, and when we help each other through the changes that life brings us, we help others as well as ourselves.

If you need help with the life stage changes you’re facing, feel free to contact me at 865-983-7544 or email me at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com. We can put our heads together and figure out how you can best get the support you need, even if it isn’t from coaching with me. I’m committed to helping people find the resources to change their lives in positive ways. That’s why I call my business the Inner Resource Center, LLC. We all have resources to help us weather inevitable life stage changes. We just have to figure out what they are. I’m happy to help.

© 2018 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

It's All in How You Think About It

"Being challenged in life is inevitable,

 being defeated is optional."

~Roger Crawford

It seems that it is inevitable that challenges will occur in our lives. Changes happen and we must be able to roll with them.  We have to be able to adapt and accommodate.  If we are unwilling to change, we set ourselves up to be defeated.  It is all in how you think about it. Challenge and change can bring you to some new and exciting places as long as you are open to it.

This week:  Take a good look at your life.  What are the inevitable challenges you face?  Do they require you to change your approach?  Do they require you to think about things differently?  What changes would help you meet those challenges?  If you could change how you think about something, would it turn defeat into success?  What is ONE SMALL THING you could do right now that would help you change your thinking and meet this challenge.  Take that step.  Then figure out what the next step would be.  Before you know it, you'll be on your way.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people overcome the limiting beliefs and mindset limitations that keep them stuck.  She uses the resources she's developed in 32 years of practice to give you the right tools to resolve challenges quickly so that you can move on. For more information, go to http://www.InnerResourceCenter.com .

Take Your Own Life's Journey

"No one saves us but outselves.  No one can and no one may.  We ourselves must walk the path."

~Buddha

People often look outside themselves for something or someone to save them or change their situation.  While it is fine to get information or assistance, the decision of what to do and how to do it remains with you.  It is ultimately your journey in this life and no one else can take it for you.  Pretending you are not responsible for your life keeps you stuck waiting for a rescuer that cannot save you.  It keeps you a victim.  To save yourself you have to take your own action.

This week:  Look at your life honestly.  Are you waiting for someone else to tell you what to do?  Are you waiting for someone or something to happen to allow you to move forward?  If so, look inside.  Challenge yourself.  Ask yourself if you are hoping someone else will do the hard work for you?  Are you hoping someone else can/will save you?  If so, make a decision that you can and will do it yourself.  Find one small thing you can do that will orient you toward solving your problem.  It doesn't have to be big.  Relegate others to being your support or your consultants, but stop expecting them to fix things for you.  It is your path to walk and you CAN do it! 

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert at helping people find their Inner Resources.  She knows that people can achieve anything if they have the right tools and she is committed to helping you find what will work for you.  She works with people in Personal Breakthrough Intensive Sessions in order to help them transform their lives quickly and relatively easily with her solution focused approach.  For more information, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .   

Make Things Happen

"My father instilled in me that if you don't see things happening the way you want them to, you get out there and make them happen."

~ Susan Powter

Many people are good at recognizing when things are not going the way they would like.  They identify all the things that are wrong--in politics, in business, in the economy, in their relationships, in their life.  But too few take action and responsibility for making changes.  If you find yourself complaining about things not happening the way you want them to, get out there and make them happen.

This week:  Identify something that is not going the way you would like, one specific thing.  Now, think about what change you would like to see.  What could YOU personally do to help make that change?  What action could you take?  Brainstorm solutions and write down your ideas.  Then go back and pick ONE thing you can do this week to begin to change the situation.  Although you might think that your action "won't count," recognize that if everybody took some small action, there would begin to be a solution.  Do something, just for this week. 

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer at the Inner Resource Center, LLC.  She is an expert in helping people take actions toward their goals, and at her clients create transformational change quickly.  She specializes in helping people overcome the limiting beliefs that sabotages their success and happiness.  For more information, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .

In Order to Change, Keep Moving

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."

~Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

If you don't like the way your life is going, take steps to change it.  Most of us have some thing that we would like to change, but we have to be willing to take the steps and move in the direction we want to go.  Just sitting and wishing things would change is not going to get you there.  You have to be willing to take action.  You have to be willing to MOVE.  Sometimes all it takes is small steps in the right direction to begin to build your momentum.

This week:  Identify some change you would like to make--big or small.  What small step could you take that would BEGIN to move you in that direction?  First, state your intention to change.  Next, begin to take a small step in direction of the change.  How was that?  How do you feel having taken that first step towards changing something you have identified that it is your intention to change?  What is the next small step?  Keep your steps pretty small, and notice that it isn't as difficult as you might have first thought.  Do this all week.  At the end of the week, evaluate your progress toward a change.  While you may not have reached your outcome, you probably have moved forward.  If you keep this up, you will build greater and greater momentum.  Before you know it, you will have changed in the direction for which you were aiming.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people make changes they did not think were really possible using her solution focused approach.  At the Inner Resource Center, LLC, she helps people access their inner resources for success, happiness and greater meaning.  For more information and several free resources, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .

You Control Your Own Personal Growth

"You are the only problem you will ever have and you are the only solution. Change is inevitable, personal growth is always a personal decision."

~Bob Proctor

When you begin to realize that you are both the problem AND the solution, you empower yourself to move forward.  You empower yourself to grow in the direction of YOUR choosing.  Which would you rather have in your life:  the belief that you are a victim of the capricious whims of life? Or the belief that you can create your own destiny?  The universe is unfolding as it should and change is inevitable.  How do you want it to impact you?

This week:  Begin to look at your "problems" as creations of your own.  If you can create it, you can also un-create it.  You can solve it.  Ask yourself "Why have I created this?"  "What purpose does it serve in my life?"  Listen carefully for the answer from that wise part of you within.  There is always something you think you are accomplishing by having the problem.  It may not consciously make sense to your rational mind, but it was devised by you to serve some unconscious purpose.  Next ask yourself "What do I need to do about this?"  Brainstorm solutions.  Whether your problem completely disappears or not, you will be on the road to taking charge of your own personal growth and change. 

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people find their own solutions to life's challenges.  A personal growth and transformation expert at Inner Resource Center, LLC, Linda has a vast toolbox of resources to help people achieve their goals, overcome obstacles and get rid of the "emotional clutter" that blocks their dreams.  For more information, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .

Change Yourself to Change the World

"Be changed and the world around you begins to change."

~Dr. Gerald Epstein

When you want change in some part of your life, change how you act and react. This works for two reasons. First, it models the change you want to see in the world or those around you. Second, it changes YOUR behavior and attitude, and clears the way for others to change as well.

This week: First, identify a change you'd like to see in some person or area in your life. Next, change your reaction to them. If you have been quietly accepting their bad behavior, change that approach and speak out. If you have been reacting negatively, change your approach to something more positive. Finally, notice what happens. When you change your behavior or attitudes, it opens the door for changes in others. The changes may be small at first, but you can always build on them.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and expert in helping people discover resources to transform their lives. She specializes in helping people let go of "emotional clutter" --those negative emotions and limiting beliefs that block happiness and success. For more information about how she does this, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/

Allow Change into Your Life

"Change is not something you do, it's something you allow."

~Will Garcia

This quote speaks to the need to be open to change--to allow it into your life. That sometimes requires that you be ready for a change. When you are not open to change, no amount of effort and action will bring it about. You will block the change unconsciously unless you are willing to allow it a place in your life.

This week: Ask yourself if YOU are willing to allow change in some area of your life? If not, what would you need to have or to know in order to be open to changing things? Sometimes people don't realize that change doesn't need to be painful or difficult. What would YOU be open to changing if you knew you could do it?

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer in change technologies. She helps her clients address the issues which block them for changing--often emotional clutter of negative emotions or limiting beliefs. To find out how she does it, go to http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/

Time and Experience Allows Us to "Unfold"

"Time does not change us.

It just unfolds us."

~Max Frisch

Our lives unfold with time and our experiences, helping us become more of who we are at the core of ourselves. We all hold within ourselves the blueprint of who we really are--our life purpose; our values; the things that make us each unique. Allow yourself to unfold further over time. Give yourself permission to be the person you really are capable of being. Embrace it!

This week: Think about what you were like as a child. What was important to you then? Think also about who you were as a teenager. How have you "unfolded?" Notice the traits that you have brought with you, the things about you that have deepened and been enriched by time and your life experiences. Appreciate how you have unfolded thus far. What other ways would you like to unfold and enrich your life?

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach, trainer and owner of Inner Resource Center, LLC. She helps people find the resources inside themselves to enrich their lives and discover more meaning and satisfaction. She can be reached at http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/ .

Changing the World

"Everyone thinks of changing the world,

but no one thinks of changing himself."

~Leo Tolstoy

It is easy to think of ways we'd like the world to change, of ways we would like others to be different. But the reality is that when we change ourselves--to be the best we can be, and to be the loving, creative, joyful beings we were intended to be--then we can bring about change not only in ourselves but in everyone with whom we come in contact.

This week: When you see someone or something you'd like to change, ask yourself: "What can I change in myself to bring about the change I'd like?" Then make that change. Remember that change can occur in an instant, when you react to a situation differently.

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer at Inner Resource Center (http://www.innerresourcecenter.com/). Contact her to discuss her solution focused approach to change.

Your Mental Attitude is Key

"Nothing can stop the person with the right mental attitude from achieving their goal; nothing on earth can help the person with the wrong mental attitude."

~Thomas Jefferson

Your mental attitude is really the key to success. When you have a positive mental attitude, believe in yourself and are determined to succeed, you can make it happen. When you believe "I can't..." or "I'm not good enough..." you will stop yourself in your tracks. Getting into a positive mental attitude and using that to your advantage isn't as difficult as you might think. The resources are out there to help you change your attitude--but you first have to be willing to look at what your attitudes are and whether they are working for you or not.

This week: Take an inventory of your attitudes. Write them down. Do they help you or hurt you? If you have mental attitudes that keep you from your goals, figure out what you would have to believe instead. The most important belief? Change is possible!

Linda Pucci, Ph.D. is a psychologist, life coach and trainer at Inner Resource Center, LLC. She has 30 years of experience helping people overcome the mental attitudes that block their success. She can be reached at beliefs@innerresourcecenter.com