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Thursday, February 22, 2018

Where Can You Find the Right Relationship--Part Two of a Series


This is the second in the Relationship Series that started last week, just in time for Valentine's Day. Haven't found your Valentine yet? This week's blog may help you figure out where to look.

Last week I wrote part one of this three part series about relationships. In that blog post, I talked about the importance of getting ready for a significant relationship, so that you'll recognize that important person when they walk into your life. I talked about the importance of knowing what your needs and values are, because knowing that allows you to be clear about what you want. I also mentioned the importance of getting rid of any baggage you might have from previous relationships-those beliefs you've formed or those negative experiences you've hung onto, which can sabotage and brand new relationship. (In case you missed that article, feel free to email me at  Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com and I'll send you a copy).

This week's blog post focuses on how (and where) to find that significant relationship. By the way, this information applies just as well to significant friendships as it does romantic relationships, so if you happen to already be married or in a love relationship with a "significant other," you can use this information to find some really meaningful friendships.
 
The first step in finding a meaningful relationship involves looking in places where you are likely to find people who share your beliefs about what is important. For example, if it is important that the person share your religious beliefs, you would most likely find them at church. If you value education, you'd find them in educational settings, lectures, alumni groups, libraries, or other places where educated people go. If you value family activities, you may meet other single parents at sporting events school functions and so on. Be aware that you are most likely not going to meet a Mr. or Ms. Right in a nightclub or bar. What you're likely to find there is a drinking buddy.
 
When you are ready for a relationship, or even a friendship, be aware that a good way to meet people is through your friends or relatives. If you are open to meeting someone new, let those close to you know what you are looking for: what qualities, what values and what type of relationship you want. Let them introduce you to people they know.
 
Put yourself in positions where you can meet people who share your interests. For example, join travel clubs, dance clubs, photography clubs, cycling groups, singles clubs through churches, or take non-credit classes on topics that interest you. If you are new to an area, join the Newcomer's Club. Volunteer to help with a cause you believe in. You may not meet the person of your dreams immediately, but you'll be establishing some connections with others of like mind.
 
You can also go to social events you might not typically go to. I've met some of my best friends (not to mention my husband) by saying "yes" to invitations or events that were not typical for me. For instance, I've made some lasting friendships by going to meetings by myself. When I wasn't able to convince anyone else to go, I went anyway, and have sometimes met a really special person.
 
The key is to have an attitude of openness to meeting new people. Your attitude is one of the most important things. Don't go "on the hunt" for that special relationship. Desperation isn't very appealing. Go with the intention of meeting and getting to know lots of new people. Finding a significant relationship is just like meeting any new friend. You won't fit with everyone. Recognize that just like with any kind of networking, the person you are looking for just may not be in this group. But someone in the group may know the person you are looking for.
 
Talk to people, get to know them, and be open to meeting new friends. You may need to meet a lot of people before you find the person of your dreams. That's okay. Don't get discouraged! Just keep meeting people.
 
The right person, whether it is a friend or someone who becomes your spouse is definitely worth waiting for. Good relationships are important. They can lengthen our life span, impact our health, and bring great satisfaction and joy to our lives. Isn't that worth waiting for? But remember, finding the right person, isn't about sitting around waiting for them to show up.
 

If you are ready to take the next step, here are some specific actions you can take:
 
1.  Identify the type of relationship you are looking for--friendship, business partner, love interest, spouse.
 
2.  Figure out where to go to find someone who shares your interests and values.
 
3.  For the new few months, stretch yourself by going there, attending an event or joining a group where you might meet someone new. You goal is simply to meet some new people.
 
4.  While you are there, make a point of introducing yourself and getting to know at least a few people you don't already know. Listen, ask questions, and share of yourself. Remember that you are there to make a few new connections, not necessarily to find the love of your life.
 
5.  Afterwards, evaluate the experience. Did you meet anyone new? Did you experience a connection with anyone? Is there anyone you'd like to get to know better? If so, call them, drop them a note or email, or ask them to get together with you for coffee. An important part of making relationships grow is in the follow up.
 
6.  Take it slow. Remember that significant relationships need time to grow. Even if there is an instant connection with someone, it will take months (or possibly, years) to really get to know each other well.
 
7.  Throughout it all, be yourself. Pretending to be someone you aren't isn't helpful in forming any kind of significant relationship. Being honest in a relationship and not having it work out is far better than faking it and having a relationship based on dishonesty, because that relationship definitely won't last.
 
Good luck! I'd love to hear from you about your experiences in finding the right relationship. You can email me at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com and let me know how it's going.
 
If you're struggling with any of this, feel free to reach out. I'll be happy to talk with you to see what might be getting in the way, and help you figure out what to do about it. You can contact me by phone at (865) 983-7544 or email me at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com.
 
©   2008-2018 Linda S. Pucci, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

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