How to Get Clarity

How Do You Clean the Windows in Your Mind?

If only getting clarity were as easy as spraying yourself with a big bottle of window cleaner (Don’t try it; some of those cleaners are filled with chemicals). Last week I talked about why having clarity was so important. This week, I want to talk about HOW to get that clarity.

Finding clarity has to do with sorting through all the things that capture your attention to find what really counts. 

The first step to finding clarity is to capture the things that are on your mind so that you can do that sorting. You can do this in a number of different ways, depending upon your preference. You can use a pad of paper, a flipchart, create a file on your computer, or find a big white board to write or draw on. You’re going to do a Brain Dump. Find a time when you can sit uninterrupted for 15 or 20 minutes. Write, draw, or somehow capture the things that are racing around in your head. If you want, you can set up categories if that fits what’s coming out. You might have a category for business ideas, things you want to fix in your home, things you want to do or have in your relationships, etc. When I do this process, I often break things into the following categories:

·       Health

·       Work/Career

·       Physical Environment

·       Relationships

·       Spirituality

·       Fun/Recreation

·       Financial

Within each category, I may have subcategories. For instance, my work is to coach people, but I also write fiction and non-fiction. I can break the Work category into Coaching and Writing since they tend to be pretty different. I’m doing them both, and both matter to me.

Essentially, what you’re doing is brainstorming in order dump what’s taking up space and energy in your life. You may want to keep this list around for a week or so, and add to it as soon as other ideas pop into your head.

Once you’ve captured most of it, the next step is to sort through it. Put a star next to the things that are most important to you. You can even use different colors to highlight levels of importance, or use multiple stars to indicate what is most important to you. Once you’ve done that, take a look at it. What comes out as most important for you? Hopefully, that will bring you some clarity about what you need to put first.

Here are some examples:

One woman I coached discovered that her relationship with God was most important. When she felt connected spiritually, everything else flowed more easily. What became clear to her was that she needed to plan her life in such a way that she always took the time to stay connected.

Another woman did this with her husband, and they discovered that financial issues, specifically their debt, affected every other area of their lives, and especially their relationship. It now became clear that they needed to come up with a plan to reduce the amount they owed.

A man I worked with discovered that he was so focused on his job that he didn’t make time for his family. Weekends were taken up with maintaining the house and car. He wanted to make his relationships more important. Once he was clear that he wanted his family to be most important, he carved out time during the evenings and weekends to spend with them. He discovered that a simple reallocation of his time made a huge difference. A half hour playing a video game with his son and special time with his daughter helping her rearrange her room left time to spend with his wife as well.

Having clarity doesn’t mean you have to give up everything else you do. It is about making sure you focus attention on what is most important to you. It is about making your time and energy count. When you do that, most likely your life will begin to feel more fulfilling. You’ll feel less like you’re wasting your time and energy on tasks that seem meaningless.

If you want help with this process, feel free to call me at (865) 983-7544 or email me at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com. We can set up some time to talk about your situation, and if you’d like, we can set up a Strategy Session to help you sort things out. When you find clarity, it makes things so much simpler. Decisions become much easier to make because you can determine whether an opportunity or project brings you closer to reaching your main goal or not.

When the Excrement Hits the Fan--Use Those Negative Experiences

One of the reliable facts of life is that stuff happens. Bad stuff. Negative stuff. No matter how smart you are, or how capable you are, things will occur over which we have no control. This has seemed especially true lately, where we’re been ravaged by hurricanes, flooding, wildfires, crime, civil unrest, threat of war, and political divisiveness, to name just a few.

Even if those events haven’t touched you personally, most of us have smaller negative things happen more often than we’d like. Whether negative things happen to you daily, monthly, yearly, or only occasionally, each of us will at some point be challenged to handle some sort of negative experience.

Whether that experience is big, small, or life-changing, we must each be able to figure out how to handle it when it comes. Because it will come. At some point, you or someone you love will get sick. You’ll suffer damage to your house or your car or your prized possession. Someone you care about will die. 

I don’t remind you of this to bring you down. Having negative things happen now and then is a universal given. The challenge is what you do about it. 

Obviously, big negative things like earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, or war do damage that is especially hard to handle. The challenge is so BIG that it overwhelms those in the middle of it. Something like that requires a huge influx of resources. If it is happening to you, reach out. Ask for help. In these situations, survival becomes the key. Rebuilding comes later. If it isn’t happening to you and you have the capability, reach out to help. Give of your time, your money, supplies. If you can’t go to help personally, help spread the word about what is needed.

Certainly, the big stuff gets our attention. But how many people struggle along privately, dealing with negative circumstances in their own lives? If that is you, I hope you’ll reach out. To friends, to professionals who can help with your situation, to your community.

When we’re dealing with that excrement that hits the fan, I think the key is in finding a way to deal with it. There are a lot of possibilities. 

• Step away from the fan. Get out of range of people and situations that bring you negative experiences. Step away from their drama. You don’t need it, and it doesn’t serve you well.
• Use those negative experiences to turn yourself into a warrior. When someone puts you down, or tells you that you can’t, decide to prove them wrong. Do it in spite of what others think. Get their opinions out of your head. What someone else believes is true says more about them than it does about you.
• Trust yourself and your intuition. Although things may seem hopeless or grim, they won’t always be that way. Especially if you decide that you’re going to turn things around.
• Reach out for support from others. One of the toughest things about dealing with negative situations is doing it alone. Don’t have anyone you can turn to? Call your United Way. They’ll know of local resources that can help you. Reach out to people who have helped you in the past. Although you may find support on social media, be cautious about who you bare your soul to. Not everybody out there wants to be supportive. Cull out the ones who aren’t by blocking them. You don’t need more negativity.
• Believe that this situation will pass. Know that it won’t last forever. Look for small signs that things are getting better. Ask yourself, “What’s the first small sign I’ll notice that will tell me things are getting better?” Listen to the answer that rises up from your subconscious. Watch for it.
• Give up the idea or belief that you deserve bad things. Most likely, it isn’t true. If you aren’t sure, talk with someone who knows. If you’ve done some bad things in your life, look for ways to make amends. You may not be able to undo what you’ve done in the past, but you can certainly make sure that the present and future are different. 
• Speak kindly to others. Even though you’re going through a difficult time, it doesn’t mean you have to take it out on others. Give them a hand when you can.

We all have negative things happen to us at some time or another. What speaks to our character is how we handle them. If this is an issue for you or has been an issue in the past, put a plan in place to handle it differently the next time something happens.

If you want some help with moving beyond negative experiences from the past or present so that they don’t ruin your future, feel free to reach out to me. Email me at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com or call me at 865-983-7544. I’ll be happy to talk with you to help you plan your strategy for moving on. I’ve got some tools that help people move away from negative experiences quickly, or I can help you plan your own strategy.

I believe in reaching out to others. I want people to create their own happily ever after and to know what to do if negative events threaten it. I believe that we’re here to help each other, to live with meaning and authenticity. One of the key elements in living your life’s purpose is to overcome the obstacles that life sometimes throws in your way. Step by step. Become a warrior for your own life. You can do it; I know you can.

How Can You Prepare for the Unknown?

Waiting and wondering seems to be the theme lately. Depending upon where you live, you wait and wonder about different challenges. In the northwest and far west, you wonder about wildfires. In Idaho and Mexico, you wonder about earthquakes. In the Houston area, you wonder about rebuilding and how you’ll recover from Hurricane Harvey. If you’re in the Caribbean or Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Alabama, you wonder what Hurricane Irma will bring to you and/or those you love in its path. There are other challenges globally that affect millions of people. Some of them are natural disasters. Some of them are terrorist plans, or saber-rattling from countries threatening war. Others are actually engaged in war, sometimes with their own citizens.

No matter what the threat, we’re called upon to somehow, be ready. That isn’t always so easy to figure out. Do you leave your home? If so, where do you go? Are you facing something that your government will help you navigate? Or is that part of the problem?

For me, Hurricane Irma has grabbed my focus as I think about how to keep family members safe in Florida, especially my 94-year-old mother who doesn’t intend to leave The Villages in central Florida. Luckily, my brother and his son have gone down so that she won’t be alone. They are as ready as they can be. My sister and her husband in Gainesville, and my niece and her family (and their restaurant) in Gainesville have had to get as ready as they can, not being sure what Irma will be like by the time she gets to them. 

My colleagues and I who have a conference planned in the Atlanta area next week have to wait and wonder whether we can proceed or not. Irma is predicted to head north through Georgia, but we don’t know whether that will mean flooding, power outages, and/or closed roads. Actually, there have been some predictions that Irma will head north to Tennessee and bring rain, wind, and tornadoes to our area, or if it will be further west. 

Not knowing is one of the hardest things about getting ready. If you have a pretty good idea about what is likely to happen, it is easier to prepare for it. When there are a lot of unknowns, and when the timing isn’t clear, it makes it tough to prepare. 

When you don’t have the answers, you can only guess, and do what you can. For humans, anxiety tends to accompany the unknown. We worry about what will happen to us. We worry about what will happen to our communities. We worry about what will happen to those we care about. 

I find that the best way to deal with that anxiety is to do what you can to prepare. Plan for contingencies as best you can. Use your “what if” problem-solving abilities to have multiple plans and resources. Reach out to others who may not be as good at planning as you are. Remind them of what sorts of things need to be done. Ask questions to make sure they are as ready as they can be. Offer your assistance or a place to go if you can. If you have the capability to help others, reach out. If you hear of resources that may be helpful, pass them along. 

The waiting and wondering is always the hardest, I think. I always feel better when I’m taking active steps to plan or handle a situation. The waiting and wondering tends to shatter my focus. It’s funny. When I’m in a situation when I’m waiting and wondering about something I’m facing, it’s hard to understand that others may be just going through their daily life as usual. They may not be aware that your community is flooded; that your community is on fire; that you’re unable to escape a dangerous situation.

I guess we all live in our own bubble, where the things we’re facing are #1 on our list. Others may have their own catastrophes or difficult situations to deal with. Those are things we may know nothing about. They may be trying to rebuild from the last catastrophe. They may be burying a loved one. They may be fighting a terrible disease. They may have just lost their job, or no longer have a place to live. Their only transportation may have broken down for good. 

Whatever challenges you face, please be aware that there are others that are facing something different. No one has the corner of the market on the biggest disaster. We each have our individual perceptions and perspectives of what we face and how ready we are to cope with whatever hits us.

There’s a lot of pain around us these days. Whether you’re actively experiencing it or not, please be aware that there are those who are stretched beyond their limit. Give them a hand when you can. Help them in the ways that they were there to help you and yours when you were faced with pain and challenges. 

We survive bad situations best when we help each other. If you are experiencing bad times, reach out for help. If things are okay for you, reach out your hand to help others. If you need somebody to talk to about your experience, I’m here to listen, and if possible, to help you connect with the resources you need. You can contact me through email at Linda@InnerResourceCenter.com or call me at 865-983-7544. 

Good luck waiting and wondering!

P.S. This was written over the weekend, 

and today the remnants of Irma are supposed to begin to hit us with high tropical storm winds and heavy rain. The Great Smoky Mountains National Park has closed roads and campsites in preparation. And, in order to be timely, and make sure this gets sent, I’m sending it on Monday this week, instead of Tuesday. Be well, whatever you are dealing with.

Warmest wishes,

Linda